Today was a hard day. After 17 years of living with diabetes, today I came to realize how hard it sometimes is.

For the last 17 years I brushed off how hypos and hypers affect how I do simple, daily tasks. I was diagnosed when I was only 5 years old. My whole childhood was filled with hypos and hypers, so it’s understandable that it’s become “normal” for me to feel too unwell or weak to do simple tasks on days when my sugars are running low, or high. My family made it so easy for all those years to make me feel normal and not like there was something wrong with me when all I could do was sit all day or lie in bed. They never once made me feel bad for needing to do that.

Today my sugars stayed in the 20s and wouldn’t come down for a good few hours. And when they did finally come down they came with a big crash. Leaving me feeling exhausted and weak… just wanting to sleep all day.

I’ve been staying with my boyfriend for about a month now and I’ve got to see how hard working he is every single day, even on his days off work. I’ve also been spending more time and going out with my friends. It’s become my new normal to get up every day and do things no matter what. So to feel so exhausted and weak and just wanting to sleep now leaves me feeling so angry and useless. I feel useless… I feel like I’m using my diabetes as an excuse to be lazy.

Some days I push myself too hard. I force myself to clean an entire house while my body shakes and my head starts to spin. I force myself to go to a mall while my legs feel to weak to even walk to the car.

In my 17 years of living with a broken pancreas, today it truly hit me hard that my hypos and hypers will affect my daily living and tasks. And for people who haven’t had to live with it or live with someone with it… they won’t fully understand. And that’s okay.

I have to keep telling myself that deep down I know that it’s not true when I tell myself I’m useless and that this chronic illness will get the best of me some days and it’s okay to listen to my body and just sit back.

Diabetes Burnout

Have you ever heard of diabetes burnout? Neither did I. So here is my story and how I came about knowing what diabetes burnout was exactly.

It has been a few months since writing a blog and that was for a number of reasons.  The main reason, however, was that I had completely BURNT OUT! For a few months I had been struggling with my sugar control. For the life of me I just could not get my sugar levels to cooperate with me. It felt like every day I woke up just to fight a war I already knew I was going to lose. It felt as though my body had just stopped fighting WITH me and started fighting AGAINST me like I was its enemy. This, understandably, sent me on a roller coaster ride where emotions overwhelmed me. I tried everything I could possibly think of to try and get my sugar to just stay stable. I was so desperate some days that I even stopped eating. Yes, I starved myself, and thinking back on that today, I realize how senseless that was. I changed my basils too because I couldn’t wait for the next appointment with my endocrinologist. Still… Nothing worked. So, I gave up in a way. I stopped testing  as often as I should. I ate what I wanted to, or didn’t eat at all. I simply just stopped caring! Because at that point, my average was already double digits and I had already done everything I could do, with nothing seeming to help, so in my mind I just did not see the point. I was tired.

But then, something happened, and in my next blog I will explain it in detail. To put it short though, I was basically forced to go see my endocrinologist about 2 months sooner than I was supposed to. This was so that she could do pump and glucometer downloads, my HbA1c and weight etc. You know, all those things they check for when you go for your visit. My endocrinologist changed basils and a few other settings and now, a week later, I;m sitting on a weekly sugar level average of 7.7! It hasn’t been that perfect for who knows how long. When I saw this I was beyond excited. You’d swear I was a little girl who’d just found out she’s getting a real unicorn!

So, burnout. Basically, I had tried so hard every day just to get my sugar levels to be stable and at a normal level but, instead, I was given very high high’s and then very low low’s. It was a constant yo-yo. That can be exhausting! Every diabetic knows what it’s like to go through times where your sugar levels seem to be playing games with you. IT IS EXHAUSTING! And that’s to say the least. I had reached a point where I just really gave up. Did that help, absolutely not, and I don;t recommend anyone just giving up either! But, that was my burnout!

Something that motivated me to start blogging again was, firstly, seeing my sugar levels remain in my target range. The second thing that motivated me was an app, called Beyond Type 1. It is absolutely amazing! There are so many topics on diabetes where you’re able to read about other diabetics’ struggles and achievements. You’re also able to read other diabetics’ advice and also get support from people all around the world! Sometimes, it’s so comforting just knowing you’re not alone, knowing that there are hundreds and thousands of diabetics going through similar struggles and pains. It is also very encouraging and uplifting reading about how things DO get better eventually.

It’s hard… Diabetes is H A R D ! – with a capital H, capital A, capital R and capital D. Sometimes, you will burnout. You will grow tired and be so exhausted, to a point where you feel as though your only option left is to give up.

DON’T GIVE UP! You need to remember that you are NOT alone. There are hundreds of thousands of diabetics all around the world. There are support groups, chat forums, social media support pages, doctors, psychologists, family and friends. Don’t go through it alone like I did. Reach out to someone. Ask for help!

You can do this. Whatever it is you’re struggling with, you don’t have to struggle with it alone. So please don’t.Don't give up


A full time, permanent job.

Diabetes is a full time job. Us diabetics cannot, at any time, take a break. We cannot resign, nor can we retire. It is a full time, permanent job. A diabetic has to act as his/her body’s pancreas 24/7, 365 days, for the rest of his/her life.

Most people don’t actually get that. Most people think that the job only starts when we prick our finger, put the drop of blood onto the strip and then inject ourselves. Most people think that the job then stops once we have completed this process, but that’s where they’re wrong.

Diabetes is a FULL TIME job. And, like any other job, there are the bad days, there are the VERY bad days and there are the good days, where we grasp and cling onto each moment like it’s our last breath.

People who don’t have diabetes probably aren’t aware that us diabetics get so excited when we see a reading on our tester that’s within our target. They don’t know that the moment we see a good reading it feels as though we can take a deep breath and smile for just a moment. They don’t understand what it feels like to put the drop on blood onto the strip, close our eyes, hold our breath and just hope or pray the reading isn’t high.

Some days are tough… I don’t know how else to put it. Some days, all we can do is burst out into tears, sit with exhaustion weighing us down and beg God to just help us and be our strength. Our bad days are not, in any way, a sign of weakness though. Those are actually the days we fight our absolute hardest. And even if on those days we feel like giving up and resigning from the very tiring and emotionally draining job, we don’t. We make it through those days. We keep our heads up, we keep trying and we keep going.

This is to all you other diabetics who are fighting a battle that most don’t understand:

Keep your head up, keep trying and DON’T GIVE UP! You are strong and you have got this!

The beginning of my journey on the craziest roller coaster.

13 years ago my pancreas decided to go on early retirement and leave its job completely in my hands.

At the age of 6, I started wetting my bed, running to the toilet very often, and I had a very fruit smell on my breath each day. My parents took me to a doctor and told the doctor all the symptoms. Immediately i was sent to give a urine sample. The doctor put a stick into the sample and, after a few seconds, looked up at my parents with a look I will never forget. What he said after that look is completely blank. My parents and I got into the car. I didn’t know what was happening and where we were going. My parents phoned family and the words “…we are taking her to the hospital now” were spoken, as tears rolled down their cheeks. My heart dropped. The rest of the journey to the hospital is completely blank, as is the whole process of me being admitted into hospital.

The next few days I had doctors pricking and poking me very often. And as a 6 year old girl, I was scared and confused. I had people come in to explain to me what diabetes was and how I was to deal with it. I was told I had to prick my fingers with a needle numerous times a day, inject myself numerous times a day, and change my diet and lifestyle completely.

Before going to the doctor, I had no idea that my entire life was about to change. And as I sat in the car after I was discharged from hospital, nothing felt the same. I remember getting home and sitting on the carpet in the lounge and I just felt different.

This was just the beginning of my journey on the craziest roller coaster.